If You Believe You Can or Believe You Can’t, You’re right: The Curse of the ‘Self-Fulfilling Prophecy’

Have you ever heard of the phrase "self-fulfilling prophecy"? It refers to a psychological phenomenon where a person's beliefs or expectations influence their behavior in a way that actually makes those beliefs or expectations come true—or at least seem to confirm them. In the context of mental health, self-fulfilling prophecies often play an important role in perpetuating negative symptoms and behaviors associated with conditions, such as depression, anxiety, trauma/PTSD, and insomnia. In this article, we'll explore how self-fulfilling prophecies develop and how they can negatively impact a person-- keeping them stuck and suffering.

Where Do Self-Defeating Beliefs and Self-Fulfilling Prophecies Come From?

To first understand self-fulfilling prophecies, we need to consider a little something about cognitive development and concept formation in early life—that is, how we humans learned to make sense of our world and our place in it. The reason this is important is that people develop negative, self-defeating beliefs (which can become self-fulfilling prophecies) in the same way they learn about everything else—through their unique learning history.

Throughout our development, our younger self was shaped by thousands upon thousands of early experiences and exposures. As babies, we absorbed the world around us through our senses, taking in all the new sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and physical feelings. When we started talking, we began communicating the actual names of things (e.g., Mom, sister, doggie, milk, etc.), and eventually began learning how to verbally ask for what we needed. We all have basic needs—for food, safety, love and attention, play, and rest—and we began to learn how to properly communicate and behave in order to get our needs satisfied. Our emotions helped guide us to our satisfaction—and our smart brains kept filing away these many useful learnings.  As our experiences became more complex, so did our understanding of ‘rules’ that govern our young worlds.  For example, at some point, you might have learned that saying ‘please’ is more likely to get you that cookie, and yelling in the classroom is more likely to get you scolded by the teacher. Some rule concepts came from the consequences of our own specific behaviors and our subsequent emotional experiences directly afterward (e.g., Did we get that cookie after saying ‘please’? Did we get scolded after yelling?) Some early rules also came from direct messages told to us by grown-ups (“If you want that cookie, say ‘please and thank you’”) or from other kids also learning ‘how the world works’ (e.g., “Did you know that you can just take the cookies from the cabinet when grandma is watching TV and she won’t even notice?”) As our worlds became more complex and sophisticated, so too did our concepts and rules for what we should know about the world in order to get our needs satisfied.

We also began to internalize ‘scripts’ for familiar situations—such as going out to a restaurant. Consider your going to a restaurant script for a moment. What typically happens when you go into an American restaurant?  Well, when you first go in, a friendly person greets you, and shows you to your table. Then, you’re given a menu and asked what you’d like to drink. Later, a server brings you drinks, takes your food order, and eventually brings you some delicious food. You’ll eat your meal, get the check, leave a tip, and then you’ll leave the restaurant with a nice full belly. There you have it--that’s your going to a restaurant script concept. And how useful! If you were to decide to go out to a restaurant now, you would not have to consciously think about what to do or how to behave in order to leave with a nice full belly.

Indeed, many concept rules and scripts also come from the indirect messages we picked up—for example, from observing other people, from the stories we read, the TV shows and movies we watch, what we experience in school, our faith communities, our family culture, the media, etc. Consider how you came to know what to expect when going to a restaurant. Did you learn from going to a restaurant one time? What about a hundred times? What about from watching restaurant scenes on TV? Moreover, how did you learn to leave a tip? How big a tip should you leave? How did you learn not to just scream and yell your order to the server across the room?

The cognitive blueprint for restaurant is just one example of the thousands of cognitive schemata a person develops over the course of their life. Every schema that we have internalized, we owe to this learning process—and our early experiences are the ones that most heavily influence our schemas. From our concept of bedtime routine to family relationships, from food to forests, from holidays to homework, from government to gravity, from good versus bad behavior to how relationships work—all concepts (rules, scripts, our general sense about ourselves, other people, and the world) are a part of our larger cognitive schemata.

Each person has their own cognitive schemata, yet there are many, many overlaps between your cognitive schemata and my cognitive schemata. If you’ve read this far, then you know English and you understand the many concepts represented by the words on this page. However, while there is great overlap between people with regard to (generally) universal concepts, our unique learning histories are responsible for where things diverge. For instance, our concepts of grandma might be very similar—perhaps we have been exposed to similar representations of grandmothers in our common culture, through fairy tales, movies, seeing others’ grandmothers, etc.  However, your specific experiences of your own grandmother(s) will influence your specific grandma schema because you have had specific experiences with the grandmother concept through, for example, your experiences of interacting (or not interacting) with your specific grandmother(s). This is a simple example, but the idea extends to more complex schemata, such as schemata about how to get what we need, how to behave appropriately in certain contexts, what marriages are usually like, how we should handle disagreements, who we are, etc.  This point is important because while many people’s understandings about the world can be similar (because we have many similar, influential early experiences as other people do), many of our strongest beliefs are shaped by our own unique experiences. It is our unique learning history that leads to the refinement of our cognitive schemata.

There are two basic mechanisms responsible for the shaping of our cognitive schemata: Repetition and reinforcement. Indeed, the concepts we internalized and remembered were shaped by the messages that got somehow reinforced in our unique past. We learned through repetition---either by having the same kinds of experiences over and over, or being repeatedly exposed to the same messages from different sources (e.g., my teachers, grandmothers, and parents all want me to say ‘please’). Furthermore, our schemata get reinforced by the emotional experience we had when we behave in accordance or against our schemata. For instance, we might have the schema “if I say ‘please’ and act politely, people will respond favorably to me and I will have a better chance of getting what I want.” If we believe this say please and be nice schema, we are more likely to behave accordingly (i.e., politely), and find, over and over, that when we in fact do say please, people smile at us and give us cookies. We not only feel satisfied by the rewards of following this ‘rule’, but the say please and be nice schema is reinforced by the very feeling of satisfaction that results from our action—which unconsciously makes it more likely that we’ll believe the schema is good and helpful to us.

Negative schemata are also reinforced—but unfortunately, they tend to develop in contexts of adversity, trauma, or other painful experiences. Negative schemata also hold the distinction of being some of the most well-learned and difficult to change, mainly because we are wired to avoid pain even more than we are wired to pursue pleasure.  We learn don’t stick your finger a light socket and quickly learn to avoid doing so (hopefully after only one experience.)  Through painful early learning, negative beliefs about yourself, other people, and the world can also develop—often in the service of keeping you feeling as safe and secure as possible. Consider Mrs. Peony, who grew up in a home with an emotionally volatile father, who yelled, criticized, humiliated, or physically harmed others at home when he was upset. As a child, Ms. Peony, quickly learned to avoid getting hurt, and developed the schema “If I speak my mind, I’ll be hurt.” When she learns to be very, very quiet, she experienced her need for safety was less threatened. This sense of relief that follows thus repeatedly reinforced the negative schema when she was quiet (and did not get hurt). Similarly, painful consequences might have repeatedly reinforced the schema when Ms. Peony did express herself (and was hurt).  Other painful schemas might develop in this traumatic context, too. For instance, to help her make sense of why she could never feel loved by her father, while also preserving her survival-bound good will toward her parent (by not blaming him for his behavior), she might also came to believe I am unlovable , I’m not good enough, and If I make a mistake, something bad will happen.  Schemata, thus, serve to help us navigate our unique worlds to not only to feel satisfied, but also, and most saliently, to avoid physical and overwhelming psychological pain.   

Consider how avoiding a painful feeling also reinforces schemata even when the schema itself is no longer helpful.  Ms. Peony, the child, who developed the schema “If I speak my mind, then I’ll be hurt” then carries this schema into her adult life. As an adult, when an opportunity to speak up comes around—for example when getting to know a potential romantic partner—the schema gets provoked (consciously or unconsciously). In the middle of a heart-to-heart, she feels afraid of the prospect of openly and honestly sharing what she thinks and feels. The schema then guides her to action—inhibit saying what you think now! —and Ms. Peony immediately feels a little relief—she inhibited herself, she did not speak up about her thoughts and feelings. Consequently, she did not get hurt in that particular interaction. The schema is preserved. Ms. Peony feels safe and secure--at least, in the moment. Unfortunately, she also did not get to say what she thought or felt, and being socially reciprocal creatures, her partner responded by also not sharing his feelings and thoughts. Thus, there was a missed opportunity for closeness and emotional intimacy. Importantly, if she had shared her thoughts and feelings, Ms. Peony might not have been hurt in this new adult context, but she can’t know for sure. The If I speak my mind, then I’ll be hurt schema will remain until it is tested out. Moreover, other negative schemas might get provoked in the fallout.  For instance, Ms. Peony’s potential partner might interpret her hesitation to share as evidence that she doesn’t want to be with him. Feeling disconnected, he might withdraw or ultimately end the relationship. Consequently, Ms. Peony’s I’m unlovable schema, or I’m not good enough schema are now reinforced by this experience. 

Schemata develop to help us automatically understand the world and ourselves—we don’t have to think twice about them and they generally help us behave to get our needs met. But, as you can understand from the example above, schemata have a very dark side, too. If the contexts in which schemata develop changes, so too must our schemata—or else, we could get stuck and feel more depressed, anxious, and frustrated. We need our schemata to serve us, not the other way around. In order for this to happen, we have to move them out of their homes in our unconscious minds, and into our awareness. But that’s not all. We also we need to test them out, and update them, based on new evidence. Luckily, this is a process that we human beings are well-suited to do—our smart brains are very good at learning new things. Unfortunately, our smart brains are not very willing to take risks unless there is very, very good reason to do so.   

A Note about the Just World Belief

An important schema that many people with depression, anxiety, trauma, anger and other mental health conditions struggle with is the Just World Belief. Across cultures, people tend to deeply internalize a belief that the world is a just place. This schema tells us “good things happen to good people, and bad things happen to bad people”. This is an example of a (general) universal belief, because it is consistently taught across cultures, throughout history, is expressed in many religious and moral traditions, and is the basic organizing principal in fairy tales, myths, and stories—the heroes win and villains are defeated.  The Just World Belief is also heavily reinforced by its emotional implications for us.  It gives us a rule for how to avoid pain and feel safe and secure (i.e., “If I’m bad, I’ll get in trouble.”) It also gives us a rule for how to get pleasure and satisfaction from the world (i.e., “If I’m good, I’ll get rewarded”).

One problem with the Just World Belief is that it is simply not always true. The world is far more complex and changing than this schema tells us.  For instance, have you ever known of an immoral person who won an election? What about an innocent person who was sent to prison? What about a gazillionaire who has not donated his extra money to alleviating world hunger? What about a gazillionaire who simply inherited (rather than earned) their fortune? Ever randomly find a 20 on the sidewalk—did you really deserve it? Ever randomly lose a 20 on the sidewalk—did you deserve that? Did you ever experience an incompetent supervisor? Ever hear of slavery? Poverty? Ever hear of a child who was brutally beaten? Did those on the Titanic really deserve their fate? What about the thousands of innocent people murdered in the Holocaust?

Consider your emotional reaction to reading this last paragraph. It is deeply upsetting and difficult to accept that atrocities happen in this world—that horrible things happen to people who don’t deserve it, and that rewards do come to people who have not earned them.  When we consider instances of injustice, it also upsets our Just World Belief—and thinking that this schema is not 100% true is a harrowing and inciting thought. Often times, people manage the upset by simply ignoring, dismissing, or forgetting facts that don’t fit with their Just World Belief in order to keep it seeming true  (a cognitive process called assimilation).  If you’ve ever heard the cliche, “She must have been asking for it” or “What did he expect, walking alone?” then you know the Just World Belief has been activated and is fighting for its life. In other words, the new information is itself being modified to assimilate into the old belief of Just World.  If after a disappointment, you assume “I’m worthless” or “It’s all my fault”, then again, chances are that your own Just World Belief is flaring up. If you’ve forgotten about the mass of mass shootings of last year in the US, or blocked out learning about some family or personal trauma—it’s possible that holding on to the Just World Belief is keeping you in a kind of denial.  We sometimes call atrocities “unspeakable”—as if our very mouths don’t want us to speak the truth of real, factual, horror that occurs every day.  Indeed, people who have experienced trauma—that is, threats to life for physical integrity—are often further harmed when their own and/or other’s Just World Belief is activated. In these cases, the victims blame themselves, or others blame the victim, for somehow causing their trauma—pain they are in no way responsible for.  Alternatively, when faced with a contradictory facts that challenge the Just World Belief, people can also overaccommodate—they begin to believe the very opposite, throwing the baby out with the bathwater. They might overaccomodate and adopt a new belief like There is No Justice, or The World is Completely Dangerous and Unpredictable.  But this isn’t entirely true either. We can easily point to examples of people who are justly rewarded for their good deeds, and to people justly punished for their crimes. Thus, a balance needs to be struck so that a new, modified belief that fits all the facts can be incorporated—perhaps the truer belief that There is Both Justice and Injustice in the World.  If we adopt this belief, there are both emotional and behavioral implications. Yes. we are likely to feel less safe and more (appropriately) worried.  But also, perhaps, we can start to act to create the kind of world we want to live in.  Just consider what we would do if we accepted that both justice and injustice frequently occur. We might be more mindful of the importance of weighing the objective facts before we judge. We might be more open to our own human biases (like the Just World Belief, which we all have). We might be more compassionate (to ourselves and others) when bad things happen. And we might allow ourselves to feel the urgency to actively create a safer, kinder world for ourselves and our children. Regardless of how you now feel about there being a Just World, please take this one point away: cognitive schemata are powerful, often useful, and often deeply flawed cognitive products of our specific learning histories. Cognitive schemata are so powerful that if we do not understand their limits, we won’t be willing to take the very actions we need to heal the world—and ourselves.

Emergence of Self-Defeating Beliefs

Self-defeating thoughts such as I’m worthless, I have to be perfect or else others won’t like me, I have to do everything myself, and the world is unsafe are some common examples of beliefs that develop from our own personal learning history—they are specific schemata threads woven into a complex tapestry of our larger conceptual architecture.  They are automatic, often unconscious, and likely served some protective or helpful purpose at the time they were initially formed. For example, negative beliefs may have come about because they actually helped make sense of overwhelming or painful experiences when other explanations were not available, offered, or possible. Some of these beliefs may emerge or become stronger when there is psychological trauma. They may also come from (or be reinforced by) sources other than oneself--e.g., a person’s family culture, society, media, direct or indirect messages from important other people in one’s life. Even when their initial purpose was in some way protective or psychologically helpful at one time, these beliefs tend to limit us later in life, because the contexts in which they developed are different. However, because they are so automatic, negative, and overly generalized, they are not only hard to shake, but can continue to cause unnecessary emotional pain. When reflected upon consciously and intentionally, they do not fit all the facts. Moreover, these kinds of thoughts can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies because when we act as though they are true, they can become true. Fortunately, self-defeating thoughts can become apparent through therapy and reflection—and with intentional changes in behavior, can also change.  

Some examples of Self-fulfilling Prophecies - Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, and Insomnia

The following are just a few examples of how self-defeating thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecies in depression, anxiety, trauma, and insomnia.  

Depression

Depression is characterized by feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of motivation. A self-fulfilling prophecy in depression might involve a person believing that they are incapable of achieving their goals or that they will never be happy again. This belief can lead to a lack of effort or engagement in activities that could potentially improve their mood or situation, ultimately perpetuating feelings of sadness and hopelessness. For instance:

·         Nothing I do is ever good enough, so I:  

I avoid doing anything because I know it’s just going to be terrible. Eventually, my chores and responsibilities build up, and I get so overwhelmed that I have to do them half-way. See, nothing I ever do is good enough.  

·         I am unlovable, so I:

I avoid going on dating aps and meeting people. I know that I won’t find a partner anyway, so why bother. I am alone, now. See, I am unlovable.

Or I :

I have relationships, but I never let them see the ‘real me.’ I keep getting dumped, and and my therapist says its because they might think I’m not interested in them… but really, I know that if they knew me, they’d reject me. I’m just so unlovable.

·  It doesn’t matter what I do, I’m will always be unhappy.

I know I’m supposed to try new things, but I’m certain I won’t have a good time. So I just stay at home or I white-knuckle it if I do something different. It doesn’t matter what I do, I’ll be unhappy.

Anxiety

Anxiety is characterized by excessive worry and fear about future events. A self-fulfilling prophecy in anxiety might involve a person believing that they will fail at a task or that something bad will happen. This belief can lead to avoidance behaviors or a heightened state of anxiety that interferes with their ability to perform the task, ultimately leading to the outcome they feared. For instance:

·         If I go out, something bad will happen, so I:

I avoid going outside, except to the pet store once a month. When I got there today, I started feeling a panic attack! I knew it. I’m never leaving home again, unless I have to, since going outside just leads to something bad happening.

·         I have to make sure my partner is okay, or else something bad will happen, so I:  

Worry that if my partner keeps drinking, she could die. But I also worry that if I put my foot down now, she’ll just be homeless, and could die. So I decided to not say anything when I found those hidden bottles. Her alcohol use gets worse and worse, and now, months later, she’s shaking and having convulsions because she’s out of liquor and can’t get herself to the store to buy more. I can’t let her have convulsions, but she can’t go to the store, so I have to get her more booze.

·         If I say or do the wrong thing, I’ll be judged, so I:

I go to a party and I’m really, really quiet. I just hang out on the side of the crowd.  I know that’s what people will remember me for – they think I’m standoffish and weird. II knew it—now I feel judged and rejected because I acted weird. I’m never trying this again.

·         If I give a presentation, I’ll be totally humiliated, so I:

Avoid thinking about it and write it the night before. I go up to present, but I can’t stop thinking about the crowd and how they are judging me. My mind goes completely blank because I cannot focus on both my presentation and my worries. I search for the words, but they don’t come. I knew I’d be humiliated.

Or I:

Overcompensated by practicing over and over again until I’ve memorized the whole thing. Now, I know that if I don’t over prepare next time, I’ll definitely be humiliated.

Trauma/PTSD

Trauma is characterized by a response to a traumatic event that can include flashbacks, avoidance, and hypervigilance. A self-fulfilling prophecy in trauma might involve a person believing that they are not safe or that they will never be able to trust again. This belief can lead to continued avoidance behaviors or hypervigilance that reinforces their belief that they are not safe, perpetuating the cycle of trauma symptoms. For instance:

·         I have to avoid all trauma reminders, or else I’ll have a flashback, so I:

Avoid all places, people, sounds, smells, etc. that remind me of my experience. But I can’t avoid everything and I never have the chance to learn how to cope with triggers that occur. When something does remind me, I go into a horrible flashback. This keeps happening to me.

·         I have to be on alert, or else something bad could happen, so I:

I always have my back to the wall in every public place so I can see everything. Because I feel safer seeing it all, I get the impression that this is why. So I just have to always be careful and on watch.

·         No one is trustworthy, so I:

hide all of my thoughts, feelings and experiences from people I care about. If they knew me, they’d betray me, so this makes me feel safe. I never test this theory, and it keeps me feeling safe because no one can hurt me if they don’t really know who I am.

Insomnia

Insomnia is characterized by difficulty falling or staying asleep. A self-fulfilling prophecy in insomnia might involve a person believing that they won't be able to fall asleep or that they will wake up frequently during the night. This belief can lead to anxiety and tension that makes it more difficult to fall asleep or stay asleep, perpetuating the cycle of insomnia. For instance:

·         I must get 8 hours of sleep every night, so I:

Prepare a restful sleeping environment, go to bed early, and make sure I read about how to prevent insomnia before bed. All this pressure to make sure I sleep keeps me awake with my mind focused on controlling my sleep, so I don’t fall asleep--until 2 hours before I have to wake up!

·         I have to sleep tonight, no matter what, so I:

Make sure to stay in bed even though I’ve been tossing and turning and can’t sleep. I know that this supposedly conditioning my body to be more stressed in bed, but I just can’t risk it. If I get up, I’ll be up all night. So I stay in bed, and then I struggle to sleep every night for the next two weeks!  

·         If I go to sleep, I’ll have a nightmare, so I:

Avoid going to sleep until it’s very late, and I feel really afraid of what’s to come. Because I’m feeling afraid when I go to bed and I’m sleep deprived, that fear and stress become the “background music” to the frightening dreams I have.

Or I:

I avoid thinking and talking about my nightmares as much as possible during the day. It’s like clockwork, though, because when I go to bed, nightmares seem to happen again and again and again.  I knew it, if I go to sleep, I’ll have nightmares.

Conclusion

Self-fulfilling prophecies emerge from the negative beliefs we develop in life—especially influenced by our childhood experiences. They are products of a person’s unique learning history—just all other concepts or schemata.  They can play an important role in perpetuating negative symptoms and behaviors associated with mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, trauma, and insomnia.  By starting to recognize these patterns and challenging negative beliefs and behaviors, it's possible to break the cycle. We can update negative schemata to become more accurate and ultimately, adopt more positive and balanced beliefs. Most of us can benefit from examining and challenging our own negative beliefs about ourselves, other people, and the world. If you're struggling with any of the above mental health conditions, consider seeking help from a mental health professional who can support you in understanding and challenging negative beliefs and behaviors. Through therapy, you and your therapist work together to uncover your specific the negative, self-defeating beliefs—and then come up with a plan to help you learn to challenge them. Challenging our thoughts, helps us change our behaviors, and this is one path to liberation—a step toward becoming the clearer, calmer, and more confident version of yourself.

Free your mind and consider all of the data,

Dr. Rachel